Long Documentary/ in Progress/ 2019-2020
A cinematic discourse about anger, repression, fear and freedom between a mother, Mania Akbari, and her son Amin Maher, stemming from Amin’s experiences of childhood sexual abuse by a family member. The film is composed of an exchange of film letters, and explores the structure of filmmaking as a form of trauma therapy. Cinema itself is woven into the story, with the abuse beginning as the pair created Kiarostami’s celebrated 10 and find themselves unable to seek justice due to their position as exiles resultant from their filmmaking. Examining themes including gender confusion, sexuality, guilt, fantasy and repression, the project looks to break down boundaries – both social and personal, and attempts to create, out of the darkest experiences, life and art through cinema. The movie is a kind of letter essay films where it starts with Amin’s letter to her mother. It is a Journey of a mother and son searching their unconscious and the influences of psychological bounds and wounds on their relationship. Discovering gender and sexual identity through unfolded hidden life and childhood secrets. First Amin talks openly about how he was sexually abused as a child. Then he says why he wants to publicize that and breaks his silent. He reports to polices. Talk about the trauma with several famed psychotherapists. At the end of his letter, he tells about his sexual desires and its relation to his life. Then he says for the first time to her mother about his sexual orientation, telling her that he and his partner Hoda who they have steady relationship for 7 years are both bisexual and he invites her mother to see his boyfriend, Hans for the first time. Hans appears on the screen for the first time having conversation with Amin about how they were both were abused sexually as a child. Then they have conversation about body, identity and loneliness that a bisexual person can go through. Mania replies Amin’s letter and explains how their family reacted to such an issue. The film is an auto-ethnographic and experimental documentary, sharing the most private moments possible with the audience in order to reveal the secrets, pains, and traumas one can go through society. The movie is like a medicine to help its creators to survive.